


Mixed Signals

by Katseester



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Introspection, M/M, Post-Normal End
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2020-10-05 04:28:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20482862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katseester/pseuds/Katseester
Summary: Yosuke, and his path to self-realization following a surprise visit from Souji.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After holding on to this idea for about three years, I've finally decided to post the first chapter despite the entire work not being completed. This was the first thing I began seriously writing after my father passed away in 2016, and I also kind of began writing it as a way to sort through my own thoughts re: my own sexuality. I'm not really sure what I think of it now but I'm tired of re-working it to death, so. Here it is!
> 
> Yosuke is a total and complete tool in this and I'm sorry.

December 2014

Yosuke was running late for class when his phone rang.

He was running late for class, but he answered his phone for two reasons. The first was that the class he was about to miss was economics and he couldn't stay awake in that class even if he tried, so any excuse to shave off even a second in the lecture hall was one that he'd readily grab.

The second reason he answered his phone was that the ringtone that played was different from usual; it was a song he'd picked out for Souji's contact info, and since Souji didn't usually call him anymore, he knew something was up.

"Hello?"

"Hey," Souji said, voice a little bit fuzzy over the phone.

"Hey," Yosuke said back.

"Are you busy?"

"No, no," Yosuke lied, glancing at the digital display of his alarm clock. He could spare a few minutes. Probably.

"Oh, good," Souji said, audibly relieved. "It's been a while."

"Uh, yeah, it has."

It wasn't exactly true; they texted each other pretty frequently - small, inconsequential conversations about things they did that day, what they were eating, how their classes were going - but Yosuke was having a hard time remembering when they last had a real conversation over the phone.

"Do you think before we head out to Inaba, I could spend a few days at your place?" Souji asked, no hesitation apparent in his voice, but his breath belied his nervousness, crackling in quick puffs through the receiver.

"Uh, sure," Yosuke agreed. "But what happened to travelling with your parents?"

Here Souji paused, letting a pregnant silence hang between them. Yosuke could hear the chaotic murmur of the general public over the line, a quiet roar in the background, before Souji inhaled deeply and said, "Something came up. They're going ahead of me."

"Huh," Yosuke grunted. "Well, cool, I guess. When are you getting here?"

Souji didn't answer. In fact, it almost seemed like he had pulled his phone away from his ear. Pops of static overlapped the noisy background, and Yosuke could hear Souji talking to someone else on the other end, though his words were drowned out by the din.

Yosuke was about to pull his own phone away from his ear and check the reception, just to make sure it wasn't something on his end, but then Souji was back and talking to him as though nothing had happened.

"Sorry, what was that?" he asked, slightly breathless.

Yosuke repeated his question.

"Oh, um." Again, Souji paused. "Well, I actually just boarded the train so...I'll be at the station at eight fifteen."

"Okay," Yosuke said. Then, "Wait, what?! You're already on your way?"

"Yes. We're about to depart so I'll probably lose reception soon."

Yosuke groaned. "You couldn't give a guy a little warning?" Another glance at his clock told him he only had a few hours until Souji arrived, and that even if he left now there was little chance he'd make it to class on time.

"Sorry," Souji apologized, and Yosuke was slightly mollified by the note of genuine regret in his voice. "I'll explain when I get there, okay?"

"Fine," Yosuke said, petulant, but his heart wasn't really in it, and by the muffled laugh on the other end he could tell Souji knew. "I have class, so I might be late. Don't wander off, okay?"

"I'll do my best. See you soon," Souji said, and then the line went dead.

All things considered Yosuke was feeling pretty good about this arrangement, suddenness of it aside, until he happened to look at his clock _again_ on the way out and noticed that he was definitely not going to make it to class before the lecture started.

Still, from their conversation Yosuke couldn't help but feel something was wrong; Souji was never usually so distracted when talking, never usually so full of halting pauses as he was then.

But he was running late and his apartment was a mess and - and -

And Souji was coming to visit. _God_ , Souji was coming to _visit_.

How long had it been? Three months? Four? Four months since he'd seen his best friend in person, and suddenly he was feeling jittery and nervous about it.

And at Christmas? Seriously? Souji was visiting him right before _Christmas_?

Determined to put his uneasiness from his mind until he absolutely had to deal with it, he made it to class 10 minutes late, apologized profusely to his professor for the interruption, and made sure to pay attention - or at least try - for the remaining lecture period.

* * *

Yosuke was only a few minutes late to the station - he'd ran home after class to make an attempt at tidying up, an attempt that was mostly unfruitful - and then immediately back out the door to pick Souji up.

Souji was easy to spot in the crowd, standing with his luggage to the side. He looked the same as the last time Yosuke had seen him - same haircut, same white peacoat that seemingly refused to get dirty, no matter how many times Souji wore it out. Yosuke opened his mouth to call out to him, but then Souji turned his head to check the time on his watch, the shadows across his face shifting under the overhead lights, and the words died in Yosuke's throat.

A dark bruise had blossomed across Souji's cheek, dark purple at the centre and fading to a lighter shade at the edges; it was new, possibly he had gotten it today. Still, he smiled as he noticed Yosuke, raising a hand in greeting, and Yosuke found himself smiling and waving back despite the confusion and dull alarm.

"Hey man," he said. "How was the trip?"

Souji shrugged, passing his smaller bag to Yosuke. He slung it over his shoulder and they made their way to the exit. "It was fine. I read for most of it."

"Oh? Another trashy romance novel?"

Souji pulled a face. "Never again."

They made idle conversation on the train and then as they walked to Yosuke's apartment building. His place was small; a shoebox-sized studio apartment with a washroom that was impossible to navigate without bumping into something, but it had a balcony (and really, that term was generous, but he could fit himself onto it and slide the door closed behind him so he considered it as such) with a decent view of the city, as well as enough room for an actual bed, and Yosuke could appreciate that.

Besides, his parents paid for it so he really couldn't complain.

"You can take the bed," Yosuke offered as they made their way through the door and began to peel off their outerwear. "I'm sure I've got a spare futon in the closet."

Souji paused as he was unwinding his scarf, shooting Yosuke a curious glance. "You don't need to - "

"Yes I do," Yosuke interrupted, sliding open the closet door and pulling out the slightly-flattened futon. He tossed it onto the floor next to his bed, diving back into the closet for various bits of bedding. Emerging victorious, the linen joined the futon on the floor. "If working in customer service has taught me anything it's that guests get the better end of the deal."

Souji raised an eyebrow, mouth twitching up into a half-smile. "If you insist."

"Anyway," Yosuke continued, "I'm frozen. You want something to drink? I've got tea, hot chocolate, coffee..."

"Surprise me," Souji said, and it was so typically _Souji_ that Yosuke had to smother a laugh.

"Coming right up," he trilled in his most charming and annoying retail voice, and got to work in his small kitchen space.

When he turned with their drinks Souji was perched on the edge of his bed, staring down at his phone. His mouth was pulled back into a displeased grimace and his eyebrows were pulled into an intent frown, but when he noticed Yosuke's approach his features smoothed over and he reached out for the proferred cup gratefully.

"Hot chocolate?" he guessed, slipping his phone into his pocket.

"What tipped you off?" Yosuke asked, taking a seat beside him. "Was it the marshmallows?"

"Something like that," Souji said, and took a sip. When he pulled the cup away from his mouth there was a smear of brown foam over his top lip, and Yosuke allowed himself a moment to appreciate the unflattering sight before tapping at his own face. Souji hardly seemed embarrassed, deftly wiping it off with his thumb before bringing the mug to his mouth again.

"So," Yosuke said, drawing out the vowel on his lips. "You wanna tell me what that's about?" He lightly tapped his cheekbone, compelling Souji to raise a hand to his own in a pensive gesture.

"Well...the short story is that I fell," Souji explained, which didn't really feel like an explanation at all.

"You fell," Yosuke deadpanned, and Souji must have seen the disbelief on his face because he chuckled, though there was no hint of amusement in the sound.

"Honest. The long story is a bit more complicated."

"I'm all ears."

Souji's mouth twitched into a wry half-smile. "Maybe later. We haven't hung out in a while. Do you still listen to that band? You know, the one that..."

And just like that Souji directed the conversation away from himself.

They ended up playing video games until Souji's head dropped onto Yosuke's shoulder, at which point Yosuke directed him to the bed and started clearing an adequate space to unroll his futon.

"Thanks," Souji mumbled, so quiet that Yosuke almost didn't catch it.

"Hey, no problem," Yosuke said, settling down into the futon. "The bed's more comfortable anyway."

"No, I meant - for this. Letting me stay." Something in Souji's voice didn't sit quite right. Yosuke frowned.

"Everything okay?" he asked. The silence stretched out for seconds, and just when Yosuke thought that his question would go unanswered, Souji drew in a deep breath and huffed it out in a heavy sigh.

"Yeah, everything's fine. I'm fine," he said, but his tone indicated he was anything but.

"Okay," Yosuke said, uneasy. Then, stomach churning, "if there's anything you want to talk about - just - I'm here, okay?"

"Yeah," Souji breathed. "Yeah. I know."

* * *

He was woken by what he first thought was his alarm but realized, as he was dragged from sleep, the sound was not what he had chosen for his alarm tone but was, instead, a cheerful tune - a ringtone - that had no business being so _loud_ this early.

Not dwelling on the fact that it wasn't _his _ ringtone - it was early and he was _tired_ and he just wanted to make the noise stop - he reached blindly for the device, and once it was secured blinked up at it, sleep clouding his vision and the name on the call display.

He swiped call accept and brought it to his ear, vaguely registering the sound of the shower in the background.

"H'lo?" he said blearily into the phone, voice rough because it was six in the morning and he had no reason to be up this early, goddamnit.

"Who's this?" an unfamiliar voice demanded.

"Uh," Yosuke replied. "Who are you?"

"Fuck, really? _Really_?"

"What?"

"So he breaks up with me and can't even wait a goddamn _day _before - "

"Whoa, wait, hold up," Yosuke interrupted and sat up, suddenly much more awake than he had been a moment before. The man on the other end was clearly working himself up into a frenzy that had nothing to do with him. "I don't know what you're talking about. I think you have the wrong number."

The man scoffed. "You know Souji?" he asked, and Yosuke's stomach dropped.

"Yeah," he said slowly, cautious, and the other man made an enraged sound. "Listen," Yosuke continued hurriedly, before he could blow up again. "I think this must be some sort of mistake - "

"Sure," the man said, his tone biting. "He obviously isn't available to talk, so tell him I said _fuck you_ and I never want to see him again."

And just like that the line went dead.

"What the hell," Yosuke mumbled to the dial tone.

The shower clunked off and a minute later Souji exited the washroom, toweling at his hair. "'Morning," he said, far too brightly for this time of day. Yosuke grumbled something appropriately sluggish back in response.

Souji clattered about at the counter for a bit before Yosuke heard his drip machine chug to life and the sweet aroma of coffee filled the small room.

"You don't mind, right?" Souji asked, as though he hadn't just gone ahead and done it anyway.

"Dude, as long as I don't have to get up to get a cup I don't care," Yosuke said, hauling himself upright and leaning back against the frame of his bed.

"Noted," Souji chuckled, and sure enough shoved a steaming mug of coffee under Yosuke's nose not soon after, taking a seat beside him. "Oh," he said curiously when Yosuke reached out to accept it, and it was then that Yosuke realized he still had Souji's phone clutched in his hand. He passed it to Souji somewhat awkwardly, and Souji handed him the mug in exchange.

"Uh, sorry. Someone called while you were in the shower. I thought it was my phone so I answered it, " he explained, nearly stumbling over his words in his hurry to get them out. "He seemed pretty mad so I thought he had the wrong number, but he knew your name and it was - weird. He seemed like a jerk."

Souji's grip on his mug tightened slightly as he glanced down at his phone screen. Again, his face took on that tight, displeased expression that Yosuke had seen the night before.

"What's up?" Yosuke asked, taking a long swig of his coffee. Souji had made it a bit too sweet for his liking but it was caffeine and he hadn't had to move an inch to get it, so it was delicious.

"What did he say to you?" Souji asked, and the severity in his tone made Yosuke turn his head towards him a lot more sharply than he intended.

"Uh," Yosuke said, confused. "He, uh, he told me to tell you he never wanted to see you again, and - " he pulled at the memory of the conversation, the man's explosive anger, the venomous words he had spat into Yosuke's ear. Something clicked in Yosuke's mind, something the man had said at the beginning, that he had forgotten in the wake of his antagonism, and it made his mouth go dry. "He said you broke up with him," Yosuke said, a hollow feeling dropping into his gut. "So that's why I thought he had the wrong number, because you're not - you're not dating a _guy_, you're not..."

Souji didn't answer him, just stared down at his coffee with his lips turned down and his knuckles white.

"Souji?"

Finally, after what seemed like ages, Souji's grip relaxed and he pulled in a deep breath, huffing it out in a sigh that ruffled his fringe.

"I didn't want you to find out like that," he said, and when he looked at Yosuke the lines around his eyes were tight.

"What?" Yosuke said, sure he had heard wrong. When Souji didn't clarify, he laughed shrilly. "You mean - you - and him - "

"Yeah," Souji said. "We're dating." He cringed, then corrected himself. "We _were _dating. I was going to tell you, I just..." He didn't finish his sentence, shrugging helplessly to supplement.

"How long?" Yosuke demanded.

"Seven months."

"Seven - " Yosuke gaped. "And you only thought to tell me _now_ ? That you're - you're _gay_?"

"I'm not gay," Souji said, then sighed, taking a moment to collect himself. "I'm bi, Yosuke. I like both - "

"I know what it means," Yosuke cut across him sharply, voice rising in cadence and timbre.

"This is why I didn't want to tell you. I mean, I thought we were past this kind of thing, but I knew there was a chance you might freak out and - "

"'Freak out'?" Yosuke blustered. "I am not _freaking out_."

Souji leveled him with that infuriatingly calm stare of his. "Yosuke. You are kind of freaking out."

Yosuke bit back his retort and heaved a sigh. Souji was right, of course. Like he always was. "Okay, so I'm freaking out. So what if I am? My best friend's a - "

"A what?" Souji cut across him, quiet and frigid and composed. "I'm a _what_, Yosuke?"

Yosuke didn't answer that. "Look. I'm sorry. I'm not handling this as well as I should. You're right, I'm freaking out over something I really shouldn't be, but it's just - it's a lot to process. Personally. I didn't think you were - you know - I didn't think you liked guys _that way_."

It was Souji's turn to heave a sigh. "Romantically. You mean romantically. If this is going to be a problem I can just find a hotel to stay at - "

"No!" Yosuke shouted, and Souji pinned him with a curious expression. "You don't have to - leave. I'm not going to be weird about it." At Souji's raised eyebrow he corrected himself. "Okay, I'm going to _try _not be weird about it." He squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm going to go take a shower. And think. And when I get back I won't - I won't be weird about it."

"Okay," Souji said, slow and cautious. Like he couldn't trust Yosuke to be rational.

The thought hit him low in the gut like a brick and stuck there. He was being ridiculous - he _knew _he was being ridiculous, but he couldn't stop himself and -

This was a mess. This was a giant mess.

A shower would make things better. And if not better, at least slightly more bearable.

* * *

The shower did not help to clear his head.

He was being an asshole.

He was being _such_ an asshole.

But he felt hurt that Souji had never told him - they were best friends, weren't they? When they had hung out that summer Souji had been dating - that guy, and he hadn't felt the need to tell Yosuke, and it irked him.

He had flipped out. He had flipped out just like Souji had feared, and _that's _ why Souji hadn't told him and he _knew_ that but - it hurt.

He was being selfish. He knew this, too, but he had wanted to believe that Souji would place the same amount of trust in him as he did in Souji, which included telling your best friend if you were dating someone of the same sex, thank you very much.

_God_, he was an asshole.

Souji had squeezed himself onto the balcony by the time Yosuke left the shower, and Yosuke thought about leaving him alone, but he was only wearing a long-sleeved shirt, and he knew better than anyone that Souji just sometimes didn't _think_ about his own wellbeing.

"Hey, you're going to catch a cold out here," he said, wedging himself between the railing and the door. He slid the door shut behind him. With him out here, there wasn't much room for maneuvering around each other.

"Oh? Oh, yeah, I guess," Souji said, distracted, shifting his body weight forward until he was leaning on the railing. He brought the object in his hands to his lips - Yosuke noticed with a dull shock that it was a cigarette - took a drag, and released a plume of smoke into the frigid air. "You might be in more danger than me though," he joked weakly, tugging at a lock of his own hair. "Wet hair, and all."

"You smoke now?" Yosuke asked bluntly.

"Only when I'm stressed." Souji took another drag off the cigarette, and Yosuke wasn't sure if his friend's hands were shaking due to the cold.

"Only when you're...oh." Yosuke bit his tongue. It didn't take a genius to figure that one out. "So, uh, does you breaking up with - with..."

"Hidetoshi."

"Right. Does you breaking up with him have something to do with - _that_?"

Souji raised a hand to the bruise on his cheek. It was less severe today; the swelling was down, but while it had been mostly purple yesterday, it had started fading to an unsightly mottle of yellow and green.

"If you're asking if he hit me, the answer is no," Souji said, eyes trained on something in the distance.

"Oh. That's good."

_That's good_. Yosuke wanted to smack himself.

Souji hummed something that might have been agreement but mostly just sounded flat. He snubbed his cigarette out on the railing (under any other circumstances Yosuke would have chewed him out, citing the deposit for damages) and tossed it over the edge, something that was so wildly uncharacteristic of him that Yosuke knew he was rattled, despite how calmly he might present himself.

"Let's go inside," Souji suggested, "before your hair freezes."

Yosuke tripped over his abandoned cup of coffee on the way in. He cleaned it up, cursing his white carpet, and Souji stifled a laugh behind his hand, scooping his own cup from the floor before another accident could occur.

Normal. They were going to be normal.

Despite his best intentions, an air of awkwardness hung between them for the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon until Souji opened Yosuke's fridge and pulled a face at what he found inside.

"How do you live off of this?" he asked, and Yosuke glanced around him to take a catalogue of what he had: week-old leftover chinese, various condiments scattered throughout the fridge, some sort of instant meal that he'd been planning on finishing off sooner or later, but was now past the point of edibility.

"Uh," Yosuke said, but before he could make up an excuse that didn't include buying most of his meals because his cooking skills were still incredibly lacking, Souji had tossed him his jacket and was lacing up his own boots near the door. "There's a good Chinese place just down the street," he offered instead, and Souji glanced up at him through his fringe, an eyebrow raised.

"The same Chinese that's growing a face in your fridge?" he asked pointedly, standing to lean against the door as he waited for Yosuke.

"Oh, like you wouldn't eat it anyway," Yosuke groused, slipping into his shoes. "How many times did you give yourself food poisoning again?"

"Three."

"Yeah, I don't think you can judge what I put in my mouth," Yosuke said, and Souji snorted.

The Chinese was good. Souji talked about a few of his classmates and showed him pictures of all the cats he'd seen on his walks to and from campus.

"Dude, these cats look exactly the same," Yosuke argued, swiping between the two pictures. "It's the same cat."

"No, the second one's tail is crooked at the end, look," Souji insisted, pointing out said crooked bit in the tail. "Different cats."

"If you say so, man," Yosuke conceded. "You're the expert."

Their waitress arrived to clear their plates. "Is that everything, then?" she asked. "Yeah? All on one bill?"

"Two," Yosuke blurted, with more force than was necessary. Souji raised an eyebrow at him. "I mean, uh, two bills, please."

"Alrighty," she chirped, and disappeared back into the kitchen.

They paid for their meals and returned to Yosuke's apartment. Yosuke made no time in shucking his jacket and shoes, intent on spending the rest of the evening doing absolutely nothing, but he turned back toward the door when he noticed Souji hadn't moved to take off his coat.

"What's up?" he asked.

Souji fiddled with his gloves. He took a steadying breath. "Look, maybe I should just find a hotel for the night and meet up with you at the station tomorrow. It's obvious you aren't comfortable around me anymore, so - "

"What?" Yosuke exclaimed. "Where did you get that idea?"

"You've been avoiding me all day," Souji said. He still hadn't moved in from the door. "When the waitress asked if we wanted one bill you looked like you'd just been electrocuted."

He was right.

Yosuke had been trying not to make it weird - had been trying not to _be_ weird - and he had failed miserably. Souji had come to him when faced with these problems; they were best friends, and surely the feeling wasn't solely on Yosuke's part, otherwise _why _would Souji want to be around him? And he'd reacted by pushing him away. He had been so wrapped up in his own thoughts and feelings that he hadn't noticed how much he had hurt Souji by rejecting his admission. Souji had always been there for him - had always accepted every part of him, and he couldn't even offer the same courtesy. He was the worst.

"You don't have to go," he said, and Souji gave him a tired look, opening his mouth to say something. "No, I mean it. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel unwanted, and I'm sorry for making a huge deal out of it." He ran a hand through his hair, wishing this wasn't so hard. "It shouldn't matter who you like - I mean, it _doesn't _matter, because it doesn't change who you are. You're still my best friend."

"I - thank you," Souji said, touched, and Yosuke had to turn away. "I guess...I can stay, then."

"Good," Yosuke said, making himself busy at the counter. "You want any coffee?"

"No thanks," Souji declined, unwinding his scarf. "Honestly, I think I'm going to turn in for the night soon. We have an early day tomorrow."

"Right," Yosuke said, hands stilled on the filter. "I didn't even think of that. Guess I'll turn in too."

Souji didn't make a big show of going to sleep. He changed and then slid into the bed, turning to face the wall, and then was still.

Yosuke lay awake, staring at the ceiling, for a long time. He knew Souji was still awake, too, but didn't comment on it because despite his cool bravado sometimes Souji just needed time to think about things.

By the time he finally drifted off Souji hadn't moved; still lying on his side, awake, thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, posting P4 fic in the latter half of 2019: souyo...spare some souyo...
> 
> I'll update characters/tags as I go. And also when I realize I forgot to tag something.


	2. Chapter 2

Souji was up before him again. Yosuke let himself just lie there, staring blearily up at the ceiling, until Souji walked past with a toothbrush in his mouth, nudging him gently with his foot.

"Have you started packing?" he asked through a mouthful of toothpaste, and _that_ made Yosuke jerk awake.

"Shit," he groaned, grinding his palms to his eyes, doing his best to rub the sleep out of them. "I forgot."

Souji huffed out a laugh, then disappeared into the washroom, returning after a moment sans toothbrush. "I figured. I dug your bag out of the closet and started for you. Hope you don't mind."

Yosuke didn't.

He finished packing up his things, took a sweeping look around the room (and decided to leave his fridge to whatever fate may befall it with his leftovers), and then they were on their way to the station.

Souji began to doze not soon after the train departed, and Yosuke had to wonder at his friend's ability to just put his head down and _sleep_ in the strangest of places.

He let himself absorb the scenery as they moved further and further out of the city. He wanted to think - about what had happened, about Souji, about - himself. About why he was such a dick sometimes.

He slipped his headphones over his ears and turned his playlist to shuffle.

A lot had changed since he'd seen Souji last. Or maybe things had been the same as they always had been, and Yosuke just hadn't noticed.

He still felt hurt that Souji had kept things from him. The smoking wasn't something that worried Yosuke overly much. Yosuke himself was known to partake in a cigarette or two some evenings when he was hanging out with his classmates.

Souji had dated a couple of girls since they had started college. Hell, he'd even dated Ai Ebihara back in highschool, the shortness of that relationship notwithstanding.

Yosuke had never had a problem with any of these girls. He remembered meeting Souji's girlfriend (at the time) last year during golden week and thinking she was cute and funny, and definitely a good match for his friend. And even though he had been secretly relieved when Souji and Ai had broken things off after only a month, he'd never felt anything in particular about that coupling. The two had stayed pretty good friends after the break-up, too, so it wasn't like Yosuke had needed to be indignant on Souji's behalf.

So then why did the very idea of Hidetoshi piss him off?

He knew - and he didn't know how he knew, and didn't want to think about why he knew - that Hidetoshi was a bad match for Souji. No matter which way you looked at it, the fact remained that Souji had broken up with him and then showed up on Yosuke's doorstep with a bruise the size of Honshu on his face. And the way he had spoken about Souji on the phone...it rubbed Yosuke the wrong way. The break-up had been messy, that much was clear, but for Hidetoshi to immediately assume the worst and fly off the handle like that? He didn't deserve Souji.

But then...Yosuke wasn't much better, was he? He had assumed the worst, he had unleashed his negative feelings onto Souji. He had been a terrible friend, but Hidetoshi wasn't Souji's friend, he was Souji's - ex-boyfriend, now, Yosuke supposed. There really was no comparison between them. He didn't know why he'd thought to draw a comparison in the first place.

His head hurt.

* * *

The station platform at Inaba was much the way it had been when Yosuke had last visited. Still rustic, still kind of dirty. The air was fresh and clean.

He immediately spotted Dojima and Nanako by the detective's white SUV; Nanako was pulling excitedly on her dad's hand, and Dojima allowed himself to be dragged along by his daughter.

Souji was looking around in a furtive manner that Yosuke recognized; he recognized the disappointment even better when it became apparent Dojima and Nanako were the only ones who had come to greet them. Yosuke's parents were absent, as they'd made hurried arrangements for Dojima to drop Yosuke off at home. While he was looking forward to seeing them again he wasn't anxious to get home, so he fell back and let the family enjoy their reunion as they made their way through the station and to the parking lot.

"Hanamura."

It was Dojima and - christ, he was still scary. Adulthood had done nothing to diminish the intimidation Yosuke felt whenever he had to interact with Souji's uncle.

"Dojima-san," he returned politely. Ahead of them, Souji and Nanako were talking animatedly as they loaded Souji's bag into the back of Dojima's car. Dojima halted a ways away; not so far that it would rouse suspicion, but far enough that they could hold a private conversation. Yosuke smartly stopped as well.

"How's he doing?" Dojima asked. His voice was a low grumble, careful with his volume now that Souji was within earshot.

Ah. He must know then, Yosuke thought. He thought, for a quick moment, of lying, of telling Dojima that everything was fine and that Souji was in no way hurt by the abysmal treatment he'd been through over the past few days, with Yosuke included as a perpetrator.

Dojima would know that he was lying.

Yosuke didn't want to piss him off.

"He's - trying to keep it together," he answered truthfully. "You know how he is. He's pretending that everything is okay even though...I think he's been really hurt."

Dojima heaved a sigh around the cigarette in his mouth. "Figures," he grunted. "Never was one to open up about his own problems. Too damn proud."

Yosuke wasn't sure if it was pride that made Souji so reticent to share his personal issues with others.

"You're his best friend," Dojima continued, and he fixed Yosuke with a glare that he had come to recognize as one he pinned on the suspects he interrogated. "Don't make things any harder for him than they already are."

"Yes sir," Yosuke yelped, feeling as though Dojima were staring right through him.

Dojima sighed again, running a hand over his worn face. "Get in the damn car."

* * *

They arrived at Yosuke's parents' house after an uneventful drive from the train station. The town of Inaba was, much like its only train station, exactly the way it had always been. His parents' house was the same, too. The sight was comforting.

"I'll help you bring your stuff inside," Souji offered, and Yosuke let him, grateful for the assistance. Before he could open the front door, however, Souji laid a hand on his arm, stopping him. "Listen," he said quietly, as if Dojima and Nanako could overhear from the inside of the car. "I meant to tell you this earlier but - "

_But I was being too much of a jackass to listen_, Yosuke thought wryly to himself.

"My parents went on ahead of me because they didn't want to be around me," Souji confessed, and Yosuke frowned, anger for his friend coiling tightly in his stomach. "They didn't say as much but I could tell - anyway, I don't know how they're going to react to...any of this, to me, with Dojima and Nanako around, but I - "

"Hey," Yosuke said, before Souji could work himself up further. "I'm here. If you need a break from them and I'm not working just head on over, okay? Actually, even if I am working just - feel free. My parents won't mind, you're like another son to them."

The tight lines around Souji's eyes softened a little. "Thanks," he breathed, releasing Yosuke's arm.

"No problem," Yosuke said, and he almost asked Souji to stay, except for Dojima's SUV rumbling quietly on the road. Souji waved goodbye, got back into the car, and then they were gone.

His mother was ecstatic to see him. His father, though more reserved, gave him an approving once-over.

"How are your classes?" he asked stiffly, and Yosuke settled into the familiar pattern of living under the same roof as his parents.

Dinner was delicious. Yosuke had missed his mom's cooking. He tried to put - everything - from his mind and enjoy the meal in front of him, but something must have shown on his face. As soon as he finished cleaning up after their meal his mom cornered him by the sink.

"Is everything alright, sweetie?" she asked, and he groaned out a protest at the use of her old pet-name for him.

"Everything's fine, mom. I'm just a little tired." It wasn't _really_ a lie; he was tired from school, and from travelling, and from stressing out over his best friend's romantic life.

She narrowed her eyes at him in that _you better not be lying to me_ fashion that had always scared the shit out of Yosuke as a kid.

"Honest," he said weakly, and his mother sighed.

"If you say so," she conceded, though she did not sound convinced.

"It's just that - Souji might be coming over," Yosuke blurted, because his mother had begun to turn away and he couldn't bear disappointing her. As always whenever Souji was mentioned, her face lit up.

"Oh? When? You should have said so sooner!"

"I - um, well, I don't really know?" he said, and the words sounded stupid to his own ears. His mother seemed to think so too, as her eyebrows had knitted together into a confused frown. He floundered on, trying to piece together an explanation that didn't make things worse. "It's just - he's, um - he's not really getting along with his parents right now, so I offered to let him hang out here if staying at his uncle's place got a bit too much for him, and I know I should've asked you guys first but I figured you like having him over and it won't be for, like, the whole week or anything..."

"Should I prepare the guest room?" his mother asked.

"No!" Yosuke nearly shouted. "It's not - it's not like _that_, he's just - they're having a disagreement, I think? We're probably just going to hang out here, but I also told him he can come over when I'm at work, which, um, sorry?"

Yosuke's father, alerted by his raised voice, appeared in the doorway. "Everything okay in here?" he asked.

"Yes, dear," his mom said. "Yosuke was just telling me that Souji-kun will be popping in and out while they're in town."

"Do we need to prepare the guest room? I thought he was going skiing with his family," his dad rumbled, which made his mom gasp and slap a palm to her forehead.

"That's right! I had completely forgotten!" she exclaimed, and Yosuke groaned.

"_Obviously _ he's still going," he said, though now he wasn't so sure. Would Souji still want to go? Would his parents still want him there? The thought sent an unpleasant chill down Yosuke's spine. "I thought he might need a break from his parents so I offered to let him come hang out here _if_ \- " and this word he stressed before his mother could get started again - "he feels like he needs to. If that's okay with you?" he added on almost sheepishly, and his parents shared a look.

"You know he's always welcome here," his mother said. His father nodded in agreement, and Yosuke felt himself deflate from the relief.

* * *

Once alone in his room, he checked his phone. There were several messages in the group chat about their meetup tomorrow, which Yosuke skimmed through (most of the messages were Chie; the girl was a notorious serial-texter when she got excited) before replying.

No new messages from Souji. He was absent from the group's conversation as well.

It wasn't that Yosuke was worried. He told himself this as he typed up a short message and sent it off.

_\-->u ok?_

Minutes passed, and then his phone buzzed.

_I'm okay._

_\-->everything gud over there??_

_Yeah. Everything's fine._

Yosuke frowned at his phone. Brevity aside, it wasn't particularly reassuring.

_\-->u still ok w/ having every1 over 2morrow?_

_Yes._

_\-->k well chie wont stop asking in group so i figured id check_

There was a longer pause before Souji replied, and when Yosuke checked his phone again he noticed Souji had replied to the group chat as well.

_Thanks. I forgot to respond._

_\-->np dude_

And that was it. Souji didn't text him for the rest of the night, and Yosuke let him be.

* * *

Yosuke had forgotten what it was like to have the Investigation Team - or most of it - together in one place.

Rise and Naoto were working out of town and wouldn't be able to make it, and Teddie was somewhere in the TV World, keeping an eye on the fog levels. Occasionally he would pop into Junes and shoot them all a message, but last night he'd mentioned something about a weird smell coming from a direction he'd never been in before, and that he was going to investigate it before it got weirder. No one knew how long this would take, and it was agreed upon that he would join them when, or if, he could.  
  
Despite lacking three of their members, or perhaps in spite of it, the five of them plus Nanako were as lively as they had been in high school, leading to a very loud and enthusiastic game of Monopoly.

"Kanji-kun, that's cheating!" Nanako giggled, and Kanji sheepishly returned his embezzled money to the bank.

"I dunno why you wanted me to be the banker," he grumbled as Yukiko snorted into her hand. "You know I ain't good at math."

"You work in a textile store," Chie said, disbelieving, as though that explained anything, and then rolled the dice and moved her game piece across the board. She dutifully plucked a card from the pile and read it aloud. "Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect - hey, this isn't fair! I was _right there_!" She jabbed her finger at the square her game piece was occupying.

Yukiko lost all composure, howling in laughter. As Chie continued to complain (though she did move her game piece to jail, with Nanako acting as the jailer), Yosuke snuck a glance at Souji. His bruise had continued to fade and only held the barest traces of purple near the very centre of the injury. The rest of it was varying shades of brown, yellow, and green. Souji hadn't brought any attention to it when they had arrived, and their friends hadn't asked.

No one had seen his parents. Yosuke thought he might have caught a glimpse of his mother by the stairs when they'd arrived, touting snacks and drinks and promising Nanako a fun afternoon, just like old times. When he'd looked back, she was gone. Dojima was at the kitchen table, coffee in hand, and perhaps Yosuke was imagining it but he seemed more on edge than usual, his shoulders sitting tense and his brows furrowed.

While the others were arguing over the wording of certain rules (Chie was trying to worm her way out of jail using underhanded methods and Nanako was not having it), Yosuke took the opportunity to scoot closer to Souji.

"They're upstairs," Souji murmured, anticipating the question Yosuke had no idea how to voice. "Working. We shouldn't be too loud, but." He shrugged. "Everyone's having fun."

"Your uncle will tell us to shut up if we get out of hand," Yosuke agreed, and was pleased by the small laugh that elicited from his friend.

"He's been good to me," Souji said. "He was the first person to jump to my defense, when mom and dad..." He didn't finish that sentence.

The words felt like a blow. Yosuke wished, desperately, that it had been him. That Souji had told him first, and that he'd been the first person to tell Souji's parents to screw off, the first person to tell Souji that everything would be fine.

"I'm glad," Yosuke said, and it was the truth, bitter as his mouth tasted for his jealousy.

"Big Bro, it's your turn!" Nanako announced, and just like that their bubble was popped, the privacy of their conversation evaporating into thin air.

Chie had not managed to get out of jail, Yukiko had mostly composed herself enough to continue playing, Kanji was still making basic addition and subtraction mistakes when handing out money, and Souji, with half the board under his control, seemed the surefire winner until he sold most of his upgraded properties to Nanako for dirt cheap.

"Playing favourites!" Yosuke accused, though he did so lightly. The last thing he needed was to make Nanako cry.

"Of course I am," Souji replied smoothly. "This is a family business, after all."

"I don't think that's how this game works," Yukiko tried to argue, although her lips were beginning to twitch upwards again.

"Screw it, we haven't been playing by the rules anyway," Kanji said, and from then on it was utter mayhem.

Nanako, to no one's surprise, was the winner.

"Can we go build a snowman as a prize for winning?" she asked sweetly, and Yosuke didn't know how anyone could ever say no to her.

"Clean up first, please," Dojima reminded her from the kitchen. Nanako made a disappointed noise but did as she was told, and with everyone helping it wasn't long before the game was packed away.

It had snowed the previous night, and although it wasn't the first snowfall Inaba had seen this year, it did lend itself well to snowman-making and snowball-throwing. Bundled up in the cold, they soon realized that six pairs of hands was about four pairs too many when it came to the construction of the snowman, and so left Nanako and Souji to it as the rest of them paired off to begin an impromptu snowball fight.

Yosuke and Chie were in the middle of decimating Yukiko and Kanji when the patio door slid open, and the woman who appeared could only have been Souji's mother.

Yosuke had never met her before. Souji's mother had a severe look and a hard glint to her eyes, and Yosuke knew immediately that she was not a woman to be crossed. Despite this she was also quite beautiful; underneath the hardness in her expression she had Souji's eyes, and her hair was the same steely grey as his, though she had hers tied neatly into a twist at her nape. She was dressed formally in a pencil skirt and hose, and her blouse looked as though it had been freshly pressed that morning.

"Souji, a word, please," she said, prim and proper and altogether way too intimidating; they all pretended not to notice as Souji parted from Nanako and followed his mother inside.

Kanji and Yukiko took over snowman detail with Nanako.

"Scary, huh?" Chie muttered quietly to Yosuke, fiddling with the snowball she'd been about to throw before Souji's mother had interrupted.

"Downright terrifying," Yosuke agreed.

"She just looks so..._orderly_, plus I guess she's not all that accepting of him having a boyfriend," Chie mused. Yosuke felt a jolt in his chest.

"What, you knew about that?!" he demanded, struggling to keep his voice down.

Chie glanced at him critically. "Uh, duh?" she said.

"For how long?!"

"I dunno, around the time they started dating, maybe? Last spring, or something. Why are your panties all in a twist?" she asked, and because she was always her most perceptive at the worst of times, her expression opened up into one of surprised realization and he knew she had at least partially figured it out. "He didn't tell you?"

"He told me!" Yosuke protested defensively. Across the yard Kanji yelled as he flopped onto the ground, making an angry and enthusiastic snow angel for Nanako, who shrieked in surprised giddiness.

"No, I mean, he didn't tell you until recently," she guessed, hitting the nail right on the head. He didn't answer her, and she covered her mouth with a hand. "Why didn't he tell you? You're his best friend!"

"I don't know," he lied irritably, because he was getting awfully tired of everyone else knowing things he didn't.

Souji chose at that moment to rejoin them outside. His mother was not with him. Yosuke left Chie to join him on the veranda.

"Everything good?" he asked quietly. Souji nodded.

"Dad's decided he has too much work to come on the ski trip with us, so...we've already paid for the rooms and we have an extra ticket for the hill," he said quietly, and it took Yosuke a moment to realize what he was offering. "If you wanted to come."

"Sure," he said, nearly tripping over that one word in his eagerness, and Souji's expression opened up into something softer as he sighed in relief.

"We're leaving early, so don't forget to pack this time, okay?" he said, teasing gently, and Yosuke rolled his eyes.

"Sure thing, partner."

They didn't see Souji's mother for the rest of the afternoon. By the time everyone departed, soaked, exhausted, and still laughing, Yosuke had completely forgotten about her.

* * *

He told his parents about his change of plans. His mother wished he'd thought to ask them first and his father grumbled something about finding a replacement for Yosuke's shift, but it went over pretty well. He spent a small part of the evening packing - it was only an overnight trip, after all - and was just settling into bed when his phone buzzed.

It was Souji.

_Thanks for agreeing to come. I don't know what I'd do if I was stuck in a room alone with mom._

_\-->that bad huh_

_It could be easier._

_\-->we have a spare room if u need 2 escape_

_\-->mom was ready 2 set up teh futon yesterday_

_I can manage it. But thanks. :)_

That made Yosuke pause. Souji barely ever used emojis in text, much less something as basic as a smiley face. A few months ago Yosuke had been faced with an elaborate story told completely through emojis, one that had included a mountain, a telephone, several different cat symbols, a shower, and a man swimming, among others. He'd had no idea what it meant, and had learned the day after that Souji had been incredibly drunk.

_Why did Teddie sleep in your closet if you have a spare room?_

Yosuke groaned aloud.

_\-->DONT get me started on that ok_

_Enlighten me. I need a distraction._

So Yosuke started telling him about Teddie's unusual clinginess when it came to sleeping alone, and Souji was a good audience, sending back dry commentary whenever he found something to be particularly ridiculous. By the time Yosuke finished the story he was pretty sure Souji had fallen asleep, so he plugged in his phone, made sure to set an alarm, and went to bed.

He didn't dream at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2020's been kicking my ass but I'm back on my souyo-loving bullshit :)
> 
> idk how Yosuke's supposed to text anymore because reading his text messages hurts my brain. I'm sorry.


End file.
